Devan Joe: I'm SO Proud of MY Boy

"The van is here", Missy yelled as she peeked out our main door.

Devan's eyes instantly glimmered and a smile swelled across his face.  He grabbed his bookbag and took off out the door at a full sprint squealing with excitement all of the way to the school van.  Missy chased after him, buckled him up in the backseat and slid him a kiss goodbye. 

Just a few years ago, when Devan was first diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, uncertainty and fear filled our minds.  Flashes of dreams that we had for our little boy and had had since the beginning of Missy's pregnancy came crashing down like broken mirrors on the concrete sidewalk.

My son was going to love football.  My son, with his agile movements and quick bursts of speed was going to excel at football.  His adorable little face and handsome little body was going to have the girls knocking down our doors. 

It broke our hearts, as we went to social gatherings and saw all of the other kids playing together and Devan off in the corner by himself.  We screamed inside as our sorrow for him turned into sorrow for ourselves.  Why was he dealt this deck of cards?  Why was our family?

Slowly, over four challenging years, the dreams of who we THOUGHT our son was going to be have withered away and died like a flower after the first Fall freeze, as new dreams of who our son ACTUALLY is have blossomed like the most beautiful rose in the Spring.

In First Grade now, he absolutely loves school.  He writes, he spells, and he's begun to read.  He sits down and eats with the other kids and spends a large portion of his day in the regular First Grade Classroom.  We have been amazingly blessed with a great Teacher and helpers that really care about Devan and challenge him to succeed.

At home, he plays, he wrestles, he gets into trouble and gets arnery.  He teases his sister and picks on Mom and Dad.  Not always wanting to be alone, like in the past, he LOVES being in the same room as the rest of us and looks intently into our eyes as we speak to him.  He has started to say a few words here and there, but communication still is a big challenge for him.  His receptive language, however, seems to be as clear as day.  This Summer, after a few failed attempts and finally a one-day workshop, Devan has moved out of pull-ups into big boy underwear.  I honestly didn't think it was possible for Devan to get potty-trained without being able to tell us when he has to go, but he has done remarkable.

And as for the Football, I couldn't care less.  As his Dad, one of my goals is to find some activity that he really enjoys.  Once we find that, no matter what it is, that's what we will work on.  If he grows an interest for Football, so be it, but I'm not going to push that.  Whether it's swimming, taekwondo, or gymnastics, if Devan enjoys it, I will be there right beside him. 

I know that we have many challenges ahead, but I feel like we have reached a good spot for a sigh and to embrace the progress we have made so far on our journey.

What About You?

Do your expectations of how you think things should be get in the way of the beauty of how things are?  Let the old wither away and embrace the beauty of what God has planned with the new.



 

Sinner's Creed: A memoir by Creed frontman, Scott Stapp

The lead singer of multi-platinum, award-winning band, Creed, shares his personal story of an abusive Fundamentalist Christian upbringing, the self-destructive lifestyle of a Rock Star, and the healing power of God's Grace in his explosive, brutally honest, new memoir: Sinner's Creed.

In 1997, a little-known band of college students on the campus of Florida State University took the world by storm with such hits as My Own Prison, Higher, My Sacrifice, One Last Breath and their super hit With Arms Wide Open.  By 2003, after recording 3 studio albums, touring around the world, and selling millions of records, the band abruptly fell apart in embarrassment as massive egos collided and the lead singer, Scott Stapp, found himself buried deeply in alcohol and drug addiction.

In the years following, Scott Stapp quietly began a solo music career as the other band members formed a new band without Stapp.  Walking through much-publicized suicide attempts, severe depression and drug and alcohol addiction in the years to follow, Stapp finally surrendered his will to God and began to find healing. In 2008, after both Scott and his former bandmates stated that they would never work together again, Creed reunited with a new album and a National Tour across the United States. 

In this memoir, released on October 2nd, 2012, Scott Stapp walks us through his life as a child deeply scarred by learning about a God of punishment and impossible expectations from his stepfather.  These scars followed him throughout adolescense and adulthood finally reaching the surface as his band reached the top of the world.  Stapp walks us through the band's greatest success and biggest falls and how he found a life of sobriety through the 12 Steps of Recovery and the transforming love of Jesus Christ.  In his usual honest way, Stapp shares how that life of sobriety hasn't been a bed of roses but day by day he has begun to find the serenity and purpose that he has always reached for but could never find.

This was the best book that I've read this year.  I think any Creed fan would enjoy reading this memoir, particularly because throughout the book, Stapp describes the setting and the meaning behind many of the songs that he has written with Creed and on his solo projects.  Many Christians reading this book will also relate to the Fundamental viewpoints that Stapp was taught as a child and how those affected him as he grew up. 

If you are looking for a book full of graphic descriptions of the partying, drugs and sex that are part of the rock star lifestyle, you will not find that here.  Stapp does a great job of sharing what happened, even in a brutally honest way, but not glorifying the past sins in his life.  I particularly enjoyed this book for that very reason.

Overall, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a good story of healing and redemption through Jesus Christ.

Tyndale House Publishers provided me with a free copy of this book for use in a Book Review.  I was under no obligation, however, to give the book a positive review.

The Fourth Fisherman by Joe Kissack

Trying to cover-up and bury deep-seeded pain from his childhood, Joe Kissack tried to fill the void in his heart by gaining fortune and power in the high-pressure world of syndicated television.  Deep down, he knew that the crazy travel schedule and the overwhelming hours at work were breaking him down.  He subconciously tried to stay one step in front of the inevitable collapse of his life.

Thousands of miles away, in a small Mexican village, 5 Mexican fisherman set out on a fishing trip, not for fun, but to put food on the table.  In what began as a routine fishing trip, it took a turn for the worst as the fisherman encountered a deadly storm and found themselves drifting along in the unending ocean with only a beat-up, old, dusty Bible and the clothes on their backs.

This book is the true story of how a high-powered television executive from the United States and three Mexican fisherman found the ends of themselves and the beginning of God's magnficent grace.  Interwoven from Chapter to Chapter, the two stories run side by side until the television executive, with a quiet request from God, flies to Mexico to find the surviving fisherman and tell their story.  What results is four changed lives and another example of the universal human need for God's grace and redemption.

I have to admit up-front that true life stories of overcoming life's obstacles are what I most enjoy reading.  This book did not disappoint.  From the moment I first picked it up, I found it difficult to put down and found myself playing the stories through my head in the days between starting and finishing the book.  It really is a book where we, as the readers, are invited into the story and become part of it, as it unfolds.  I highly recommend this book to anyone who doubts if God is still at work in the lives of people today. 

Disclaimer:  I received a free copy of this book from the publisher, Waterbrook Multnomah, to write a review.  I was under no obligation to write a positive review, however.

*You can find a link to a portion of this book at: http://www.scribd.com/WaterBrook/search?query=The+Fourth+Fisherman

Don't Feed the Negative

There are two wolves inside each of us fighting for position.  Which one will you choose to feed?

You might remember, if you have seen my last blog post, that my brother Lee and I are working on writing a tribute to my grandfather for his upcoming 80th birthday.  The project has actually been pretty easy on our part because Grandpa is a very reflective man and has jotted down a lot of notes and thoughts as he has come across them.  Recently, while going through his notes, I came across a little parable that really caught me dead in my tracks.  It was one of those 'Ah Hah' moments and gave me a little knowledge as to why my path took a couple wrong turns years ago.  This is the parable:

An elderly Cherokee indian was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil: he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego. The other is good: he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The fight is going on inside you and every other person too.” They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

My natural tendancy is toward the negative.  I wish that weren't the case, but it is.  Without keeping a close eye on myself, through prayer and reflection, I will form deep, ingrained habits of thinking negatively.

About 10-12 years ago, maybe earlier, I walked away from prayer and reflection and let my thoughts go wherever they decided to go.  What happened is that, unaccountable, my mind developed deep, solid, ingrained habits of negative, self-defeating, false thoughts. 

As I've tried to turn this around, it's been a huge challenge.  I try to conciously stop the negative thoughts and turn them into positive, rational, truthful thoughts.  After about 5 years of this, my thoughts are slowly changing into the positive realm.  But, those negative patterns of thinking do come back regularly and attack when I am weakest (tired, bored, or stressed out).

Physiologically, I think our thought patterns work like water flowing down a river.  Water always takes the path of least resistance.  If we build deep, ingrained negative thought patterns, our thoughts will quickly and easily take that route time and time again.  My goal is to build up a bank against that negative pathway of thoughts, and begin digging a deep, ingrained pathway of positive, rational thoughts.  Obviously, in my opinion, this is a futile goal without regularly feeding myself  on and building up my faith and trust in God.

So, which wolf are you feeding.  Do you concentrate on the positive, truth, God-fearing thoughts, or do you sometimes become lazy and let your mind take off on the negative route?  Which route is your natural tendancy?

An Uncommon Man

I had originally started this blog to begin promoting a memoir that I plan to write about a turbulent few years in my life.  My writing journey has taken a different direction for now,  however and I am thrilled with the project at my fingertips. 

My grandfather is turning 80 years old this October.  My brother, Lee and I decided to approach him about sharing some of his life stories and wisdom with us so we can gather it all together into a biography and share it with future generations to come.  We conducted our first interview on Sunday morning and I think we are onto something great.

Grandpa has made a habit throughout his life of memorizing certain poems, excerpts from books or any other writing that really resonates with him.  He recited the following poem word for word perfect while we talked to him and I thought I would share it here.  It has really resonated with me as well.  I hope you enjoy it.

The Uncommon Man (by Dean Alfange, born December 2nd,  1899)

I Do Not Choose To Be A Common Man

It is my right to be uncommon—if I can.

I seek opportunity—not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me.

I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.

I refuse to barter incentive for a dole. I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopia.

I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout. I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.

It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations and to face the world boldly and say, “This I have done.”


These are strong words and to be honest, I do not believe them to be true in my own life.  Maybe, however, if you keep working on it, keep saying it over and over again, you begin to believe it and the evidence of it begins to come out in your own life.  We really do become what we habitually think about.

How about you?

Do you believe the saying that we become what we think about?  Has that come true in your own life?

Breaking Bad Habits (Part 4): The Secret Weapon

So, what's that ONE THING that makes all the difference?  What's the silver bullet?  What's that secret weapon that finally helps us overcome those bad habits that plague us for years?  First, I'll give you a few hints.  It's not a magic pill.  It's not a book.  It's not a particular program.  Some books and programs can really give you an edge, but they usually only work if you employ this secret weapon first.

During the second half of my first year of college, I quit working out and began living on junk food to relieve the stress and boredom that can come with college life.  I gained a significant amount of weight and began to feel miserable.  After about a year and a half, and 60 pounds later, I finally realized that I had a problem that I needed to deal with.  I bought a bunch of books, did a ton of research and learned everything I could about weight loss, exercise and healthy eating.  EVERY SINGLE WEEK FOR A FULL YEAR, I made a detailed plan of healthy eating and exercise and set a weight loss goal.  Every week, I decided that I was going to start the following Monday.  Monday would roll around, I would start my program, mess up on Tuesday or Wednesday, and throw away the plan and draw up a new one. 

"Surely, the problem was in my plan," I figured.

One weekend, out of desperation, I said a simple prayer,  "God, you have to help me.  I can't do this on my own.  I've tried everything and I'm out of options."

The following Monday, I began my program like usual but something happened this time.  Somehow, for some reason, I rolled through the mistakes of Tuesday and Wednesday and just kept going.  In fact, I rolled through the mistakes of every day for the next 15 weeks, and lost about 60 pounds.  Why was this time different?

As I look back and see the few times that I've had success in overcoming any negative habit or situation in my life, it's always begun with SURRENDER.  In every situation, I've fought the habit over and over again by myself with little success. Finally, when I was completely exhausted and feeling hopeless, I surrendered the situation to God. Once I sincerely surrendered, I had the power to overcome.

I've come to realize that the problem we face in trying to overcome bad habits is a LACK OF POWER.  If you have followed Part 1: Why do we Fail? and Part 2: Where's the POWER in My Willpower of the Breaking Bad Habits series of posts, you've seen that it's not easy.  Once those habits are in place, we've got a battle on our hands.  Unfortunately, in my experience, we lack the POWER to overcome them.  Therefore, my new definition for Willpower is: The Willingness to Accept God's Power.  I believe that the secret weapon in overcoming bad habits is SURRENDER.

What About You?

Have you ever fought a bad habit on your own with little success?  Do you have any other Tips for overcoming bad habits?  If so, please share them in the Comments of this post. 

**If you have enjoyed this post, or this blog in general, please feel free to SHARE IT using the small icons at the bottom of this post including FACEBOOK, TWITTER, and GOOGLE +.

Breaking Bad Habits (Part III) : 5 Tips for Breaking Bad Habits

Is Breaking Bad Habits even Possible?

  If you have followed along on Part I  and Part II of the Breaking Bad Habits post series, you probably aren't real encouraged so far.

Let's do a quick review:

- Once a bad habit is written in your brain, it is stored there forever.  You will never completely eliminate that bad habit from your thinking.

- The biggest triggers for relapsing back into bad habits are too much stress and boredom.  Unfortunately, we all feel over-stressed and bored sometimes.

- Your willpower is not going to help you too much in breaking bad habits.  The more you try not to act out on a bad habit, the more likely you will.  Trying not to do it keeps the habit at the forefront of your brain, which makes acting out on it more likely when stress and boredom come.


5 Tips that might help you break bad habits

1.  Make the Decision

     It sounds too simple, but if you aren't absolutely sure that you want to make this change in your life, then you won't do it.  You must have a compelling reason.  It may be your health, it may be for your kids.  Only you can decide what is going to give you the fuel to keep going when the road gets tough.  The secret is to use that willpower we discussed earlier to focus on what your life will look like once you make this change.  Therefore, instead of focusing on trying not to fall into your bad habit, focus on how your life will be improved once you overcome the habit.

2.  Throw perfection out the window

   This is the one that has tripped me up over and over again every time I want to eliminate a bad habit.  For some reason, after I decide to make a change in my life, I envision the process of change to be perfect.  I picture myself making the transition from a bad habit to a good one and don't plan for the inevitable slip-up.  Then, when I do mess up, I beat myself up for it, which makes me feel miserable, which leads me a large relapse in my negative behavior.

   Even if you have a compelling reason to make the change in your life, if you expect to be perfect and never mess up, you are setting yourself up for failure.  PLAN ON MESSING UP from time to time while getting rid of bad habits.  Messing up is part of the learning process.  When you mess up, don't beat yourself up for it.  Now you know that it is going to happen and is part of the process.  Dust yourself off, learn from your mistake, and get back on your journey.

3.  One day at a time

   When eliminating bad habits, it is very important to focus on the big picture.  You must have a vision for what you are shooting for and keep the compelling reason for your change in the forefront of your mind.

   Breaking the bad habit isn't going to occur, however, by continuously focusing on the future goal.  Any positive change occurs as the result of making the right decisions over and over again, day after day.  The change happens one day at a time.

  In my experience, it works well to peak at the future goal and know what you are shooting for, but quickly come back to the present moment and decide what you are going to do this day to move you a little closer to that positive change.

  THE PRESENT MOMENT is where the rubber meets the road and where progress is made.

4.  Manage your Stress

   I know this is a tough one.  We live in a stress-filled society.  It's all we know.  If we are not stressed out, most of us find something to stress about because that is our normal state.  There are things that we can do, however to manage the stress in our lives.  I hope to discuss this topic further in a later post.

5.  Replace bad habits with good ones.

   When we stop acting out on a bad habit, it leaves a void in our lives.  There is no way around it.  If you spend 2 hours a day doing your bad habit, you now have 2 hours that you will need to fill up with something else.

   In my experience, a bad habit cannot be broken without replacing it with a good one.  If you want to maintain freedom from a bad habit for a long period of time, you will need to begin another habit to do instead.

Without replacing the bad habit with a good one, BOREDOM will creep into that time slot, and it will lead you right back to your bad habit.



What about You?

Does perfection creep in when you are trying to eliminate bad habits and lead you to failure?  Can you add any other tips that you have found for breaking bad habits?

Parts of this post was based on a seminar sponsored by the Institute of Brain Potential called How the Brain Forms New Habits: Why Willpower is Not Enough: More information can be found at:
https://www.ibpceu.com/pdf/custom/HABNHMEMARIF11-4.pdf

***Please Note:  If you enjoy my posts and would like to share them on Facebook or Twitter, all you have to do is click on the tiny social media icon at the bottom of each post.  They are so small that I thought many people might not know that they are there.***