Friday, November 4, 2011

I Don't Know

These three little words have changed my life.  What leads me to feelings of anxiety, depression and anger are often me trying to figure out and control the world around me.

How many countless hours and nights have I spent over-analyzing and obsessing on things that I am just not meant to understand right now.  When this thinking begins, it goes in circles and leads further and further into confusion.  The thing that gets me out of this cycle is realizing GOD IS GOD and I am not.  If he is GOD and I am not, then, it is not my job to understand everything.  I only task is to understand what is given to me at that particular time and obey what God tells me to do.  So, basically I need to quit trying so darn hard.

A few months after Devan (my son) was diagnosed with Autism, I went to the internet was going to find out what caused  this and how we can get him out of it.  What started as  hours and hours researching, studying and obsessing finally ended in me on my knees saying I DON'T KNOW GOD, but you do and that is OK.  I was then at the point where I could sit back, relax and go to work on helping Devan (not as the commander of the project, but as a simple laborer doing what I felt lead to do as we went along.

Why does God allow Cancer to come back in people when they have so much to live for?  Why does he allow that, but then let others walk away cancer-free?  Why does the drunk driver walk away from the accident unharmed, but the innocent child lays dead?  If we have a loving, sovereign God, why is there so much hurt and pain in the world?

I don't know and that is OK because God does know and I can rest in that.

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