How strong is your willpower?
Let's start this post with a little test of your willpower. For the next 30 seconds, no matter what you do, don't think about an ELEPHANT. Okay start...
Why are you thinking about an elephant when I told you not to? It is only 30 seconds. Couldn't you go just 30 seconds? Since you did opposite of what I told you to do, does that mean that you have a weak willpower? Not really. It was not a fair test of true willpower.
When I told you not to think about an elephant, the first thing you did was picture an elephant in your conscious working brain. No matter how hard you try not to think about the elephant, you keep thinking about it. Actually, the harder you try, the worse it gets.
So, what was willpower designed for?
Willpower works well at helping us persevere if we are trying to accomplish a task. As long as the thing we want to accomplish is in our conscious working memory, willpower helps us focus on the rewards and sees us through the hard work. So, willpower works great to help us proactively achieve our goals.
What about eliminating bad habits?
The problem is, if we are trying to eliminate a bad habit, the last thing we need is that particular habit at the forefront of our brain.
When we are trying to use our willpower to get rid of bad habits, that bad habit is on our mind constantly. If it isn't at the forefront of our mind, willpower doesn't work. Placing the habit in your working memory incorporates it into your up-coming decisions. That is fine if all you are doing all day is avoiding the bad habit, but that's not reality. Throughout the day, we are constantly coming upon new decisions to make. Consciously trying not to do something will usually increase the behavior rather than decrease it.
The second problem is that the brain functions involving willpower are just too slow.
Our working memory is extremely busy and easily overwhelmed. This slow, multi-step brain function is usually no match for the quick, efficient function of acting out on a habit stored in our basal ganglia. The end result is that we act out on the bad habit before we remember not to.
Conclusion
If you have tried and tried to eliminate a bad habit using your willpower and have failed repeatedly, don't be too hard on yourself. Willpower was never designed for that function. If we approach the bad habit from a different angle, we have a much better chance of success. The key is to work with your physiology not against it?
What about You?
Have you been really frustrated with yourself because you can't overcome bad habits using willpower? Have you wondered if you had any willpower at all?
**If you read my blog last week, you were probably expecting some tips this week for eliminating bad habits. Sorry about that. I received such a large response from my first post on habits, I thought I would expand on the subject a bit further. I promise that I will provide you with some tips in Part 3 and possiby 4 of Breaking Bad Habits.**
This post was based on a seminar sponsored by the Institute of Brain Potential called How the Brain Forms New Habits: Why
Willpower is Not Enough: More information can be found at https://www.ibpceu.com/pdf/custom/HABNHMEMARIF11-4.pdf
Monday, July 2, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Breaking Bad Habits (Part 1): Why do we Fail
This past January, as I often do, I set a New Year's resolution to eat healthier and begin exercising. By mid-February, I panicked realizing that I still hadn't changed anything. I got my butt into gear and finally began my program. I worked hard, focused, lost some weight and felt great. I remember thinking to myself, "Why didn't I do this a long time ago. I haven't felt this good in years."
After about 5 or 6 weeks, my plan derailed and I completely went back to my old, unhealthy lifestyle. Man, that is so frustrating. And the worst of it is, this same thing has happened EVERY DARN YEAR for the last 4 years. Even though I felt better and looked better, I went backwards and settled into my old lifestyle.
So, WHY do we fail at eliminating our bad habits?
Earlier this month, my brother Lee and I went to a one day conference put on by the Institute of Brain Potential called How the Brain Forms New Habits: Why Willpower is Not Enough. It was a very informative and interesting seminar. The following are the main points that I learned from the seminar.
Once a Habit is Formed, It is Permanently Stored in Your Brain
There is a tiny little structure right in the middle of your brain called the Basal Ganglia that stores any habits that you have learned FOREVER. If you developed a habit of smoking cigarettes, for example, the habit of smoking is stuck in your brain for the rest of your life.
Before you go beating up on the Basal Ganglia, please note that it does serve a very important purpose. If you learn how to do something useful, in your career or any other area of your life, your brain remembers how to do it for the rest of your life. Even if you have not tried it for years, you can always pick that function up again fairly easily. Two great examples of this are snow-skiing and bike riding. Once you know how to do them, your body always knows how to do them.
Interestingly enough, this tiny brain structure is located at the very core of your brain. Obviously God didn't want it to be easily disrupted.
Because of the Basal Ganglia, overcoming bad habits is almost always a life-long endeavor.
If we don't act out on a bad habit for a long time, what makes us go back to it?
According to the presentation by the Institute for Brain Potential, there are two main causes for Bad Habit Relapse.
TOO MUCH STRESS
When we are over-stressed, we often resort back to our bad habits because they give us some
temporary relief from the Stress.
BOREDOM
The presenter first referred to this as Reward Deficiency, but then admitted that what it really is is boredom. When we are bored, the amount of dopamine floating around in our brain is low. Our bad habits give us a little jolt of dopamine, which brings us out of boredom.
Conclusion
So there you have it. I hope you gain a little more insight into why bad habits are so hard to overcome. As I finish writing this article, it is 11:30 PM and my stomach is stuffed to the max from the Chinese Buffet we ate at tonight. Obviously, knowledge about bad habits alone does not eliminate them....
In Part 2, we will discuss some practical tips for overcoming bad habits.
What about you?
Do you have trouble overcoming bad habits? Are they always there to pester you when you are stressed out or bored?
Information about the seminar I mentioned can be found at: https://www.ibpceu.com/pdf/custom/HABNHMEMARIF11-4.pdf
After about 5 or 6 weeks, my plan derailed and I completely went back to my old, unhealthy lifestyle. Man, that is so frustrating. And the worst of it is, this same thing has happened EVERY DARN YEAR for the last 4 years. Even though I felt better and looked better, I went backwards and settled into my old lifestyle.
So, WHY do we fail at eliminating our bad habits?
Earlier this month, my brother Lee and I went to a one day conference put on by the Institute of Brain Potential called How the Brain Forms New Habits: Why Willpower is Not Enough. It was a very informative and interesting seminar. The following are the main points that I learned from the seminar.
Once a Habit is Formed, It is Permanently Stored in Your Brain
There is a tiny little structure right in the middle of your brain called the Basal Ganglia that stores any habits that you have learned FOREVER. If you developed a habit of smoking cigarettes, for example, the habit of smoking is stuck in your brain for the rest of your life.
Before you go beating up on the Basal Ganglia, please note that it does serve a very important purpose. If you learn how to do something useful, in your career or any other area of your life, your brain remembers how to do it for the rest of your life. Even if you have not tried it for years, you can always pick that function up again fairly easily. Two great examples of this are snow-skiing and bike riding. Once you know how to do them, your body always knows how to do them.
Interestingly enough, this tiny brain structure is located at the very core of your brain. Obviously God didn't want it to be easily disrupted.
Because of the Basal Ganglia, overcoming bad habits is almost always a life-long endeavor.
If we don't act out on a bad habit for a long time, what makes us go back to it?
According to the presentation by the Institute for Brain Potential, there are two main causes for Bad Habit Relapse.
TOO MUCH STRESS
When we are over-stressed, we often resort back to our bad habits because they give us some
temporary relief from the Stress.
BOREDOM
The presenter first referred to this as Reward Deficiency, but then admitted that what it really is is boredom. When we are bored, the amount of dopamine floating around in our brain is low. Our bad habits give us a little jolt of dopamine, which brings us out of boredom.
Conclusion
So there you have it. I hope you gain a little more insight into why bad habits are so hard to overcome. As I finish writing this article, it is 11:30 PM and my stomach is stuffed to the max from the Chinese Buffet we ate at tonight. Obviously, knowledge about bad habits alone does not eliminate them....
In Part 2, we will discuss some practical tips for overcoming bad habits.
What about you?
Do you have trouble overcoming bad habits? Are they always there to pester you when you are stressed out or bored?
Information about the seminar I mentioned can be found at: https://www.ibpceu.com/pdf/custom/HABNHMEMARIF11-4.pdf
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Fear of Being Real
Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) NLT
This last March, my wife Missy and I attended a conference for parents with children with special needs. Our son, Devan, is on the autism spectrum. One session during the conference really stuck out to both us and made a profound difference in our lives.
The room was full with standing room only. About 75 parents sat in the audience. In the front of the room was a stage with three sets of parents. Each set were the parents of a child with special needs but they were all at different points on the journey. One by one, each person on the stage shared their personal journey through parenting a special needs child. They shared the deep stuff such as grief, depression and the marital problems that they had went through in their journey.
Something amazing happened in that room that day. As each person dropped their mask and shared their real self, a spirit of hope, compassion and empathy filled the room. Everyone in that room could relate to what was being said and for a moment, we all felt connected.
Moments like this don't happen very often, but when they do, they have a profound effect on everyone involved. Sharing your weaknesses with others can certainly be scary. We all have a natural tendancy to only show our best to other people. We want people to think that we have it all together. We do not want to be seen as weak, insecure or vulnerable.
The problem is that we really can't relate to each other very well, especially spiritually, if we are hiding our weaknesses. God's spirit flows through vulnerability. In other words, vulnerability is the fuel that moves God's spirit from one person to another.
Being vulnerable and transparent can be a bad thing. We certainly don't want to go around telling everybody everything about us. What we tell others can be used against us so we want to be careful. When the right time arrives, however, and you can connect with someone spiritually by being real, take that chance. You may just find a life-long friend in the process.
What about you
Are you afraid to show your real self? Do you cover up your weaknesses and try to only show your strong points? Is there someone in life that you could really help by sharing your own struggles?
This last March, my wife Missy and I attended a conference for parents with children with special needs. Our son, Devan, is on the autism spectrum. One session during the conference really stuck out to both us and made a profound difference in our lives.
The room was full with standing room only. About 75 parents sat in the audience. In the front of the room was a stage with three sets of parents. Each set were the parents of a child with special needs but they were all at different points on the journey. One by one, each person on the stage shared their personal journey through parenting a special needs child. They shared the deep stuff such as grief, depression and the marital problems that they had went through in their journey.
Something amazing happened in that room that day. As each person dropped their mask and shared their real self, a spirit of hope, compassion and empathy filled the room. Everyone in that room could relate to what was being said and for a moment, we all felt connected.
Moments like this don't happen very often, but when they do, they have a profound effect on everyone involved. Sharing your weaknesses with others can certainly be scary. We all have a natural tendancy to only show our best to other people. We want people to think that we have it all together. We do not want to be seen as weak, insecure or vulnerable.
The problem is that we really can't relate to each other very well, especially spiritually, if we are hiding our weaknesses. God's spirit flows through vulnerability. In other words, vulnerability is the fuel that moves God's spirit from one person to another.
Being vulnerable and transparent can be a bad thing. We certainly don't want to go around telling everybody everything about us. What we tell others can be used against us so we want to be careful. When the right time arrives, however, and you can connect with someone spiritually by being real, take that chance. You may just find a life-long friend in the process.
What about you
Are you afraid to show your real self? Do you cover up your weaknesses and try to only show your strong points? Is there someone in life that you could really help by sharing your own struggles?
Sunday, June 10, 2012
A Slice of Time
Slowly but surely, she pushed her new wheelbarrow down the sidewalk. In the wheelbarrow, a purple shovel with a pink handle bounced around, forcing Addy to balance the wheelbarrow as she pushed along. The shovel was a gift from her mom so she could help dad 'work' outside.
"Daddy, Let's go find some rocks", she said as she came close.
"Honey, Dad is busy", I mumbled, as I gave her a quick glance trying not to lose my concentration on the flat wheelbarrow tire I was trying to remove.
"Please, daddy", she pleaded.
With a frustrating sigh, I looked over at her and said: "Alright, but just for a few minutes."
An hour later, we finally strolled back up the sidewalk to the house with a load of rocks to proudly present to mommy and big brother.
I had no idea that the few minutes that I had promised Addy had turned into an hour. She had worked hard digging and prodding with her colorful shovel. I helped with the ones that were too tough for her. We talked, laughed and enjoyed our time together. I will probably never forget that evening.
We really have no idea how many of those moments we will have with our loved ones. Moments when we are alone, the world is quiet around us, and we can just be together.
With all of the distractions and responsibilities in my life, I rarely focus on the moment and be fully present with the people around me, forgetting all else, and taking in the moment. Like I mentioned, it rarely happens, but it does sometimes, which I see as a major blessing in my life.
What About You?
Could you set all of your worries and concerns aside, every once in a while, and focus on the time you have with a loved one? Would your life and your close relationships be enriched if you would allow yourself to do this?
"Daddy, Let's go find some rocks", she said as she came close.
"Honey, Dad is busy", I mumbled, as I gave her a quick glance trying not to lose my concentration on the flat wheelbarrow tire I was trying to remove.
"Please, daddy", she pleaded.
With a frustrating sigh, I looked over at her and said: "Alright, but just for a few minutes."
An hour later, we finally strolled back up the sidewalk to the house with a load of rocks to proudly present to mommy and big brother.
I had no idea that the few minutes that I had promised Addy had turned into an hour. She had worked hard digging and prodding with her colorful shovel. I helped with the ones that were too tough for her. We talked, laughed and enjoyed our time together. I will probably never forget that evening.
We really have no idea how many of those moments we will have with our loved ones. Moments when we are alone, the world is quiet around us, and we can just be together.
With all of the distractions and responsibilities in my life, I rarely focus on the moment and be fully present with the people around me, forgetting all else, and taking in the moment. Like I mentioned, it rarely happens, but it does sometimes, which I see as a major blessing in my life.
What About You?
Could you set all of your worries and concerns aside, every once in a while, and focus on the time you have with a loved one? Would your life and your close relationships be enriched if you would allow yourself to do this?
Sunday, June 3, 2012
The Freedom to Fail
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 (NLT)
As a recovering perfectionist, the thought of failing at anything in life makes my skin crawl. Failure has always horrified me. I want to succeed. I want to win. I want to be PERFECT.
While growing up, I often thought that being a perfectionist was a positive character trait. I thought that having this trait meant that you were driven and were not going to allow failure in any area of your life.
There is one little issue, however, in expecting perfection. We are HUMANS. Humans are not perfect and WILL Fail. As my drive for perfection increased, my peace of mind decreased. Every time I would fail, I would throw up my arms and give up. My thought was, if this plan led to failure, then obviously the whole plan is worthless.
This cycle of making a plan, failing, completely changing plans, failing again, and then finally giving up has shown up in nearly every area of my life. A great example of this was dealing with weight loss. I would come up with a great plan of how I was going to eat healthy and exercise. I would run this plan through my mind over and over again tweeking every little detail until the plan was perfect. I would then start the plan, have a small failure during the first couple of days, and then give up in disgust. At the first failure, I would decide that the plan was doomed and give up on the entire thing.
As I look back, the flaws in my thinking were obvious. Who am I to think I can do something perfect? Do I think I am God? Nobody ever does anything well, let alone perfect, the first time. Highly successful people know that failure is part of life and actually use it to gain even more success.
Finding this acceptance of imperfection has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life. It is actually one of the biggest reasons why I had the guts to start this blog. I know that I have a long ways to go to become a good writer. I have so much to learn and know that I will FAIL a number of times as I work on it. I also know, however, that if I keep working at it and learn from my mistakes, I will get better.
This is how I found The Freedom to Fail :
1) Accept that I am a HUMAN BEING and that all human beings FAIL sometimes.
2) Realize that Failing is actually one of the most effective ways that God teaches us.
3) Understand that Jesus was the only person who ever lived a perfect life.
4) Accept that if I am trying to be PERFECT, then I am trying to play GOD.
5) Believe that if I have a relationship with HIM, then I am perfect in GOD'S EYES, despite my
failures.
6) Believe that if I am already perfect in God's eyes, I have the FREEDOM TO FAIL in this life.
Failing is just part of the human experience. If we never fail, then we never learn. If we never learn then we never succeed.
What About You? Do you expect perfection out of yourself? Would accepting your Freedom to Fail help you relax and try new, challenging or scary things in your life?
As a recovering perfectionist, the thought of failing at anything in life makes my skin crawl. Failure has always horrified me. I want to succeed. I want to win. I want to be PERFECT.
While growing up, I often thought that being a perfectionist was a positive character trait. I thought that having this trait meant that you were driven and were not going to allow failure in any area of your life.
There is one little issue, however, in expecting perfection. We are HUMANS. Humans are not perfect and WILL Fail. As my drive for perfection increased, my peace of mind decreased. Every time I would fail, I would throw up my arms and give up. My thought was, if this plan led to failure, then obviously the whole plan is worthless.
This cycle of making a plan, failing, completely changing plans, failing again, and then finally giving up has shown up in nearly every area of my life. A great example of this was dealing with weight loss. I would come up with a great plan of how I was going to eat healthy and exercise. I would run this plan through my mind over and over again tweeking every little detail until the plan was perfect. I would then start the plan, have a small failure during the first couple of days, and then give up in disgust. At the first failure, I would decide that the plan was doomed and give up on the entire thing.
As I look back, the flaws in my thinking were obvious. Who am I to think I can do something perfect? Do I think I am God? Nobody ever does anything well, let alone perfect, the first time. Highly successful people know that failure is part of life and actually use it to gain even more success.
Finding this acceptance of imperfection has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life. It is actually one of the biggest reasons why I had the guts to start this blog. I know that I have a long ways to go to become a good writer. I have so much to learn and know that I will FAIL a number of times as I work on it. I also know, however, that if I keep working at it and learn from my mistakes, I will get better.
This is how I found The Freedom to Fail :
1) Accept that I am a HUMAN BEING and that all human beings FAIL sometimes.
2) Realize that Failing is actually one of the most effective ways that God teaches us.
3) Understand that Jesus was the only person who ever lived a perfect life.
4) Accept that if I am trying to be PERFECT, then I am trying to play GOD.
5) Believe that if I have a relationship with HIM, then I am perfect in GOD'S EYES, despite my
failures.
6) Believe that if I am already perfect in God's eyes, I have the FREEDOM TO FAIL in this life.
Failing is just part of the human experience. If we never fail, then we never learn. If we never learn then we never succeed.
What About You? Do you expect perfection out of yourself? Would accepting your Freedom to Fail help you relax and try new, challenging or scary things in your life?
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Questioning God
What would you like to ask God? If you were allowed 5 questions that God would answer, what would they be? I could come up with 5 questions very quickly. There is so much in life that I simply do not understand. Unfortunately, a lot of the questions we have are left without an explanation.
The Wrong Questions
I have spent so much time asking God questions that just lead to more questions. I rarely get the answers that I want, when I want them. I rarely waste my time any longer asking the wrong questions. It is a futile waste of time.
Why
Why did he allow a devastating earthquake to destroy Haiti, one of the poorest nations on Earth? Or, why does he allow a child to die of cancer at the age of 10?
How
How can I raise my kids in these crazy times? Or, the big questions like how is the government going to solve the Social Security and Medicare problems?
I have also learned that it is a waste of my time to ask him When he will act.
Every time that ask God questions that begin with these words, they lead to more questions, less faith, and less peace of mind.
When we ask these type of questions, it is all about CONTROL. We are trying to play God ourselves.
The Right Questions
So if it is pointless to ask God these questions, is questioning God useless? Does God want us to question him?
I have learned that the Right Questions to ask God begin with What, Where, Who or When if it involves When we should act. Questions such as What would you like me to do? or Where would you like me to go? The questions are the ones that God wants us to ask.
All of these questions involve giving up control to him and walking in FAITH.
One Day at a Time
I believe the time will come when we can ask God the Why and How questions. Someday, we will get the answers to all of these questions, but they will come when they come. We cannot force them.
Our focus now needs to be on asking the What, Where, Who and When he wants us to do something. All great things happen in steps. One step at a time, one day at a time, the puzzle pieces will all be lined up and the masterpiece will be finished.
The Wrong Questions
I have spent so much time asking God questions that just lead to more questions. I rarely get the answers that I want, when I want them. I rarely waste my time any longer asking the wrong questions. It is a futile waste of time.
Why
Why did he allow a devastating earthquake to destroy Haiti, one of the poorest nations on Earth? Or, why does he allow a child to die of cancer at the age of 10?
How
How can I raise my kids in these crazy times? Or, the big questions like how is the government going to solve the Social Security and Medicare problems?
I have also learned that it is a waste of my time to ask him When he will act.
Every time that ask God questions that begin with these words, they lead to more questions, less faith, and less peace of mind.
When we ask these type of questions, it is all about CONTROL. We are trying to play God ourselves.
The Right Questions
So if it is pointless to ask God these questions, is questioning God useless? Does God want us to question him?
I have learned that the Right Questions to ask God begin with What, Where, Who or When if it involves When we should act. Questions such as What would you like me to do? or Where would you like me to go? The questions are the ones that God wants us to ask.
All of these questions involve giving up control to him and walking in FAITH.
One Day at a Time
I believe the time will come when we can ask God the Why and How questions. Someday, we will get the answers to all of these questions, but they will come when they come. We cannot force them.
Our focus now needs to be on asking the What, Where, Who and When he wants us to do something. All great things happen in steps. One step at a time, one day at a time, the puzzle pieces will all be lined up and the masterpiece will be finished.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
With Open Hands
Have you ever tried to grab water? No, not a bottle of water or a glass of water, but have you ever tried to grab water? If you grab water, the tighter you squeeze it, the less you end up with. If you want to hold water, you have to hold it WITH OPEN HANDS.
I often find myself trying to grab God's blessings. When God blesses me with peace, joy or any other blessing, I grab it with all my might, pull it close to my chest and try to make sure that it does not leave me. He hands it over to me and I try to devour it and control it. As I pull it closer and closer and clench it tighter and tighter, the blessing disappears out the creases of my hands. Basically, I smother God's blessings.
As I was contemplating this principle, I thought of one exception. I want to love, adore and hold my kids as close as I can. They are a blessing from God, but they need someone to hold them tight. Really, though, if I keep holding them so tight as they grow older and do not begin to let go, they are going to rebel. At some point, I will need to open up my hands and let them go.
So, I find myself with this deep desire to grasp something. I have a craving inside to grab ahold of something will all my might, but if I grab onto anything too tightly, it acts like water and disappears.
This puts me in quite a predicament.
What I have found is that it is no accident that I have this deep desire inside to grab onto something. If I grab onto God with all my might and squeeze him close to my chest, he only increases in my life. The tighter I squeeze and the closer I pull, the more he reveals himself to me.
Therefore, my suggestion is: Grab GOD (not religion, not Church) but GOD himself with all of your might and hold all of his blessings WITH OPEN HANDS.
I often find myself trying to grab God's blessings. When God blesses me with peace, joy or any other blessing, I grab it with all my might, pull it close to my chest and try to make sure that it does not leave me. He hands it over to me and I try to devour it and control it. As I pull it closer and closer and clench it tighter and tighter, the blessing disappears out the creases of my hands. Basically, I smother God's blessings.
As I was contemplating this principle, I thought of one exception. I want to love, adore and hold my kids as close as I can. They are a blessing from God, but they need someone to hold them tight. Really, though, if I keep holding them so tight as they grow older and do not begin to let go, they are going to rebel. At some point, I will need to open up my hands and let them go.
So, I find myself with this deep desire to grasp something. I have a craving inside to grab ahold of something will all my might, but if I grab onto anything too tightly, it acts like water and disappears.
This puts me in quite a predicament.
What I have found is that it is no accident that I have this deep desire inside to grab onto something. If I grab onto God with all my might and squeeze him close to my chest, he only increases in my life. The tighter I squeeze and the closer I pull, the more he reveals himself to me.
Therefore, my suggestion is: Grab GOD (not religion, not Church) but GOD himself with all of your might and hold all of his blessings WITH OPEN HANDS.
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